Gratitude List

Hey, I'm sitting in the computer lab now because I really felt like I should write a gratitude list.  After such an awesome and encouraging weekend and beginning of the week, the past couple of days I have been pretty rough on myself.  I blamed in on pms or not getting enough sleep, but I think it could also be the fact that I'm expecting so much out of myself and not relying on the Lord enough, or something like that.  Or maybe a combination of all of them.  Either way, I need to write a gratitude list and cheer up.  It always works.

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:

-my friends love me

-Brian loves me.

-I learned a lot this weekend.

-I've been reading general conference talks.

-I had a great lesson.

-I was about to help with the idea of our viola t-shirts - that's pretty awesome.

-Jamilyn snapped me into perspective.  She's such an awesome person and always brightens my day, just not wanting to let her down is enough of a reason for me to cheer up, let alone wanting to do it for myself.  And she thinks I'm awesome too, and she always encourages me.  I love having her and Shane in the school of music.  We can look out for eachother! 

-I also said something to make Brian cheer up today, well, he was already ok, but I brightened his day a bit, and it cheered me up.

-I'm listening to jazz for my music exam.  I love it!  

-Trish is coming back to church and back into my life.  I missed her and it's good to have her back!

-I'm about to go to orchestra.  We have a concert this weekend.  I'm kinda excited, they are fun pieces and we've been working hard on them.

-I have some more time later today to practice, to make up for the time that I'm missing now to write this list and to study.  That's good. 

-I have 2 last names because I'm Mexican - okay not really, but I like it, I've always liked my mom's name, and we had to write it on our student visa applications.

-I was able to read up a bit on the presidential candidates.  I think I'll read even more today at the library or on Saturday.  I just want to make sure I like who I'm voting for.

-My sister found my practice room key - I thought I lost it again! lol.  

-I decided to graduate in 4 1/2 years.  At least it's not 5 and I'm happy about that.  Many double majors take at least 5 years.  

-Look how many blessings.  But now I really should go.  I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior and for my gratitude lists.  I really should write them every single day so I can keep cheered up and not let things weigh me down so much.  In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Love,

Sunshine

I just read Elder Bednar's talk on Prayer

Wow. What a powerful lesson. I know I have so much work to do, but my Heavenly Father loves me. I love Him so much and I pray that I will be able to have better communications with Him so that I can recieve more revelation and be happier and live up to all he expects from me. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
That's what I wrote in my journal after taking a few notes.

I was thinking about how much work I have to do on that. President Johnson also asked me how my prayers were doing, and I am always humbled by that because he asks me about my prayers every time. I hope that this talk, with this fresh perspective on prayer, helps me improve my prayers. I can even pray for that.
I am His daughter. I know He's not critiquing my prayers. He just wants me to be happy. I could definitely feel that through the talk. That's what General Conference is about. We can't learn it all at once, but little by little, and keep adding on. I feel like I've been really trying to do that lately. I love my Heavenly Father very much and I try to do what's right.

I also realized something else humbling, but at the same time, it gives me confidence too. I have not always been the best listener. I think that might be why I'm not the best at prayers. I just want to talk and not listen, and listening is half the work, if not more. But lately I've been able to listen better, especially after the YSA conference. I have been able to help 2 good friends by simply listening to them (at least I believe it helped). What a blessing. I also learn from them too, and I'm also so grateful for the people that also are good listeners to me. Friends are a necessity in life. I may not have always been a good listener, and I am still learning, but I have always cared about others and wanted to help them. And through my life experiences, I have learned so much about being a good friend and listener since a few years ago. And just imagine how I could be in the future, tomorrow even. Or maybe when I'm old (er) and in some relief society presidency, or a mother, or still a friend.

Hopefully my listening in my prayers and my prayers in general can improve as well, even if it is as gradually as my listening skills with my friends.
I am so grateful for the many blessings I have in my life. I have countless. I really do, I need to write another gratitude list soon. But I think I should go to bed now. It's late!
Emily and I were talking about the tragedies that are happening today because of something she read in the news and a story we read in Spanish class. It is SO sad. I can't even believe it. I am grateful not only that those things have not happened close to me, but I am also grateful for Eternity, and everyone's compensations in the next life. I love my Heavenly Father and Savior and I know this gospel is true. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I know this is more open-ness, and I think I write differently when I'm feeling spiritual, but I just felt like maybe I should share it with you all, maybe I just love your positive feedback. :) Cuz you all are such great listeners to me.

Love,
Sunshine

Sister Mathias speaks on Passion

Okay, I'm not really, but I was reading Jamilyn's blog, and all the blogs that are being updated. They are inspirations and examples to me. So now I'm going to open up a bit more. bear with me.
This week has been a number of different things. At first really happy from Brian being here and that was quite wonderful and life and then getting really cranky (I was blaming it on it finally sinking in that he left again.) And I'm just re-adjusting. I really need to be myself though now, don't I? I've been trying. PJ talked to me and he always makes me feel humbled and always inspired to try something that I've been wanting to do but I didn't realize which steps to take. I am going to try to give Brian more space and try to find my own happiness in being myself. That's what he wanted too. I guess I just haven't been sure what myself is. I mean, I know myself but do I really know my full potential?
Mr. Fedotov said that I should keep trying many different techniques because I don't know my own abilities yet, and that's perfectly normal. He was talking about my viola playing but maybe I should apply that lesson to life and to what PJ said - that I'm a wonderful person and I need to make myself happy.
I'm also supposed to look for what I want in a relationship, in general. What do I want? I want a lot of things that I have with Brian, but maybe some things that we don't have and maybe we could later or maybe we won't. Some of my favorite examples of couples are Emma and Joseph, the Hinckleys. The Staples, and some of my other friends that I've seen, and my parents were good examples too. I love Brian very much, but if I there was any time that I needed to be single it's now. Then, maybe I could have eternity with him someday, or someone else just as wonderful or even more wonderful for me. It's hard to remember so I need lots of reminders over and over again but that's life.
He is such a supportive friend. He's my best friend. He's always cheering me up and trying to make me feel wonderful. I don't think he weighs me down, but I'm often weighing myself down and maybe it has something to do with him, because I worry about him a lot and about us. And I also let myself get down on myself and often depend on him to help me come back up. And I shouldn't do that. I think he would be much happier if I didn't. And PJ said that I should not worry. That I shouldn't let anyone or anything make me worry.
So I'm trying to do the right things. I have an amazing calling that has been taking some effect. I got to meet with the missionaries and an investigator from the Dominican. How awesome is that? Also, one of the girls I called to invite back to church showed up at the dance! I didn't talk to her too much but I was happy she came. Maybe I had some influence with that? I think so. I am really passionate about missionary work. I need this calling right now.
I also had a GREAT time at the dance! The people that came were all having fun and enjoying one another's company. We were like a big family. I love it. I loved catching up with everyone there. I really enjoyed Stake 'n' Shake afterwards as well and staying up really late posting facebook pictures with Emily.
I should spend less time talking to Brian and when I do make sure it's something meaningful. We are writing a blog together just him and me and I really enjoy that. In the background there's the temple and a picture of us in Chicago. I love that reminder. We're always the best to each other when we are at the temple. Hopefully that new blogging tradition carries when I go to Mexico. I know that he is on his own now, and that no matter what happens with me and our relationship, he's going to turn out just fine, especially if I do too. And that realization takes off a lot of worries.
And most importantly, I can go to my Heavenly Father and Savior, and pray, and the Spirit will give me the direction I need. I haven't been as good with prayer and scripture study as I should, and I will try harder on that. That always helps. I should read my patriarchal blessing too.
I should enjoy my 3 years of "freedom", and prepare to be the best wife and mother and violist and missionary and Stephanie that I can be. And that's something to be passionate about.

Gratitude List 10/21/08

There are so many things that I am grateful for right now, or at least that I should be. I'll write at least some of them. :)
I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:
-Brian came home!!!
-I went to Chicago
-I got to go to an orchestra concert with Justin (and it was a pretty awesome concert too). And he was great. We had lots of fun.
-I got to see an awesome presentation about Viola and William Primrose (world famous violist - I think he was known to be the best violist ever or something).
-I got to go to the temple and feel the spirit.
-I got to know members of the branch better from the trip.
-I'm just grateful for everything that happened this weekend on the trip and also the next day spending time with Brian and his parents at the home ward.
-Brian's reading my blog - that's cute.
-Emily is a great person to talk to - she's a good listener and a supportive roommate.
-Debbie has been giving me lots of rides.
-I have new viola strings and bow hair!! I love my new made-over viola.
-I impressed Daniel with my Spanish - he was like, what? lol
-I got a 94. 5 on my Spanish exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woot woot woot woot!! I was so nervous about it and studying like crazy - literally, because I was studying so inefficiently and stressing out and losing sleep. And that day I also asked Bigelow for a recommendation letter and I told him, look at my exam and my general performance in the class and you won't regret writing this letter. And he was like, of course I'll write your letter. Like I said, another respect boost for him.
-I did my spanish homework today - well, a good amount anyway.
-I practiced my conducting too, I think that really helped, and I actually watched the tape of the lab so I could improve. We have a tough piece tomorrow!
-Conference talks have been helping me when I've been worried.
-Oh, yeah! I made a jack-0-lantern for the first time!! especially by myself. I'll definitely post some pictures and have a whole blog entry dedicated to it. It was SOOO fun! What a fun fhe! I'm so glad I went. I was quite pleased with myself about it, because I was like, alright, I'm going to do this. And it's funny, but I think a lot of it was for Brian, though it's hard to admit. Well, he's always happy when I'm happy and I'm happy when I accomplish something new and different and even though it's like burnt toast, which it wasn't, it was great, I am quite pleased with myself and Brian thinks it's cute when I am. (and hopefully he'll like the pictures too) So maybe it was to impress him a bit.. heehee. It was fun carving with other members of the branch like Sarah and Sam and Brie and Katie and Justin Northam (different Justin). We had fun. And took some pictures with Sister Johnson's camera and PJ made us Mexican food lol.
-Then, later that night, I took Sister Johnson's recipe and baked the pumpkin seeds!! I know, me, cooking. Well, it wasn't too hard. Washing them was the toughest part and even that wasn't bad. They're pretty yummy! I keep telling people to try my new creation I Made By Myself.. with some help. lol. I'm grateful that creating feels so good for my self-esteem.
-Jamilyn is still awesome. She gave me some good advice on Saturday and I'm trying to take it. And she's helping me with orchestra music too. I'm so bad at rhythms! but she's like, you'll get better, always encouraging me.
Well, I'm sure there's more but that's a lot of writing for one day, I'll talk to everyone later. I am so grateful the my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy. I love Him so much.

Trying to be nice

First before I write my gratitude list, I need to vent a bit. Someone just came down and had a complaint about my practicing! waaaa. Oh well, I have been practicing pretty late lately and I knew it was going to happen sometime. Still, it's disheartening (if that's a word.) Well, maybe I'll either go to Dalton late or try to go to sleep at a decent time. I know I got at least 2 1/2 in today with all of that orchestra music practicing, but still, I have a lesson tomorrow which I don't feel too prepared for. Well, maybe if I sleep I'll have more energy to practice at 10, and maybe I'll do my homework. We'll see. Well, Emily talked to him and when she told me I went right up there and talked to him in person. The poor guy has to get up at 4 in the morning for work, so I don't blame him at all. You know me, I hate to step on people's toes, so it was embarrassing. He said he goes to bed at 9 (yikes, that's before I even have been starting to practice) but I said I might try a mute in the future and to let me know if that still bothers him, but I doubt that will work so I'll just have to go to bed or stay at Dalton. I'm a nice person, well, I try to be. So I think I handled it well. At least he was a nice looking person and he wasn't like some grumpy old guy. Anyways, that's my venting.

Pictures From Chicago and Brian

After the baptism session, I came out to hang out with Brian and talk and then we went inside and got to talk with members of the branch and that was really nice. It was so wonderful being in the temple on Saturday. I really needed it and felt the Spirit. The Spirit inside the temple and outside really gave us the confidence and courage that we need too when we were talking about what we can do to be better. Afterwards we came out and took some pictures. The temple was so pretty that night. I wish we had taken the pictures earlier though so we could see all of the colors.

Here's a picture that Brian took of me on Sunday at his house. Normally I don't like full shots of myself but this one was pretty cute. I think it really helps with all of the beautiful colors in the yard in the background, complimenting my beautiful self. :P I love fall.
This is us at the gas station, because i just wanted to take a billion pictures, but they kept turning out so nice, I couldn't resist! We were sad though, it's almost time to leave.
Here's us holding hands with our matching CTR rings :D *starts humming choose the right*

Blog

I keep changing my blog, but I guess I'm trying to decide what I like. Maybe it's because I'm always changing, but this is the picture I put on it for now, I think it's really fun. In About Me, I wrote, "I love myself, I just have trouble admitting it." how I feel a lot. I'm not sure why, but I do know that writing helps me. Looking at this picture helps me to remember that I love myself because my family loves me a lot. My siblings adore me, even and almost especially when I don't seem to deserve it. They are awesome, and they are something I am grateful for.
This is my family a year ago. I love family pictures, but I love them the best when we make funny faces because it seems more natural that way. :)
Love,
Sunshine

Gratitude List 10/12/08

Hi! It's Sunday, well, I guess it's Monday now, I don't have all of my homework finished yet but I thought I would enjoy my day of rest at least a bit. Wow, I didn't realize how many people have blogs, and they are so awesome too! I'm quite pleased. I like this princess crown I've got, I'm not so sure everyone will like all of my cheesy playlist though, but hey, there's a pause button at the bottom. lol. Well, I definitely need to write a gratitude list. I feel SO much better today. I'm so grateful for Sundays!
-I read scriptures today, the chapter was a reminder about how we need to be committed to the gospel and our Heavenly Father wants to bless us.
-I GOT ACCEPTED TO MEXICO!!! I'm quite happy. :)
-Everyone that knows so far has been really supportive and encouraging, even when I'm nervous and stressed out about the details.
-I got to see Tokyo String Quartet yesterday (0nly the end :( but I'm glad I at least got to see some) I think I would have cried if I completely missed it, they are my favorite quartet!
-The apartment's nice.
-Sam got a lesson from the missionaries today, that's pretty cool.
-Speaking of missionaries, I got to talk to Justin today! I was pretty excited because I haven't talked to him in 2 years. He seems happy to be home but I think he misses mission life, which a lot of missionaries do from what I heard. I think we're going to hang out sometime, as soon as I have time so it will be a while.
-I was able to fast today, and bear my testimony and the testimony meeting was really nice.
-I took the sacrament. I really needed it because I have been making a lot of mistakes the past two weeks, and I'm so grateful that we can have those blessings.
-I studied Preach my Gospel yesterday, and it really inspired me to be better, but the sunday school lesson I think inspired me the most.
-I finished my composition!!! Yay!!
-I started a new song, thanks to some advice from our composition T.A. who is pretty amazing at what he does and a good friend too. He's a good example to me.
-I was able to play prelude music and piano for relief society. I'm really grateful for that.
-Brian is sweet. I can't wait to see him.
-My teachers have been really forgiving despite my mistakes, and the GA's have been really helpful.
-I'm going to sleep now. Wow, I really do have so much to be grateful for, and that wasn't even all of my blessings this week. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am His Daughter. I'm grateful that I can write a list of things that I am grateful for, because there are so many things and I just need that extra help from Him. I guess we always do. :)
Love,
Sunshine

Writing to Sister Staples

Sister Staples sent me a letter saying that she loved my blog and so I wrote back and though that I should post what I said back to keep people updated I guess. :)

Thanks! I'm glad you like it! I love yours too and I added it to the blogs
I'm following.. it's the only one I'm following so far. I can't believe
how your kids have grown. Lately, blogging has been really great for me
because sometimes I get kindof intimidated by journal writing, and I can let
people know how I'm doing. I also have a blog for just me to read, when
I'm venting or trying to decide things or general conference notes, though I
think I want to post something about General conference. It's been a
pretty amazing one though I'm kindof behind because of my orchestra
concert. It went really well though! But don't worry, I'm going
to watch all of conference, Brian's especially reminding me of that
- "Make sure you watch it all Stephanie, I keep getting
the feeling I'm supposed to encourage you to, blah blah blah"
Jk I've been pretty impressed by him lately - He's been changing a lot for
the better. Today it's our 3rd anniversary of when we were first boyfriend
and girlfriend. Can you believe that? So, in honor of that I made
him a card that has calvin and hobbes on it because we used to read it together
and it reminds me of him. and I wrote him and told him how much I
appreciated him. It turned out really good so I'm happy about
that. :) lol well, I hope you have a wonderful conference weekend.
I'll try to keep updated on your blog and I'll be writing more on mine too :)
and I'll talk to you later.
Love,Stephanie

I really have been impressed with Brian lately. I guess I get scared sometimes that he's going to just keep getting better and I'm going to stay the same but I know it's kinda ridiculous. So far, the plan is for me to see him on October 18th and we'll go to the temple together in Chicago during Stake Temple day. I'm looking forward to that SOOO much. I hope that this anniversary is a good one (especially since this is the only one that we've actually been boyfriend and girlfriend during it.) We've always done something though because we still loved eachother. lol we're silly, but I'm really grateful for him, and all of the love and support and true friendship he's given me the past 3 years.

Conference has been really amazing and what I've seen so far has really been answering all of my questions about my callings, friends, thoughts, and missionary work. It's been really incredible. The relief society broadcast was really great too. I really want to post a link to conference and to the broadcast on here if I can figure that out. lol. Yesterday I hung out with members of the branch and we just talked and played Apples to Apples. Today, I got to see my dad and josh, and Debbie and Sam came to my concert too and they enjoyed it - yay! I was quite pleased with our performance. It's always such an emotional thing for me. Adrenalin rush and the emotions that something we've worked so hard on can be enjoyed by others. and it was complex music but by the end everyone stood up and I was hoping they would enjoy it. :) My family gave away our cat though - so sad. I just found out today. But I don't think he was living the best life in GR so I'm hoping that this next owner will really take good care of him and love him like he deserves. Also, next week Lisa's going to have an ultrasound and apparently she's getting morning sickness too. haha.. jk. I know I'll get it too... one day...
Well, I've got some conference to make up so I'll talk to you later!
Love,
Sunshine

For conference, go to

http://www.lds.org/broadcast/gc/0,5161,8176,00.html

For Relief Society General Broadcast, go to this link and choose the relief society general broadcast

http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-947,00.html