Okay, I'm not really, but I was reading Jamilyn's blog, and all the blogs that are being updated. They are inspirations and examples to me. So now I'm going to open up a bit more. bear with me.
This week has been a number of different things. At first really happy from Brian being here and that was quite wonderful and life and then getting really cranky (I was blaming it on it finally sinking in that he left again.) And I'm just re-adjusting. I really need to be myself though now, don't I? I've been trying. PJ talked to me and he always makes me feel humbled and always inspired to try something that I've been wanting to do but I didn't realize which steps to take. I am going to try to give Brian more space and try to find my own happiness in being myself. That's what he wanted too. I guess I just haven't been sure what myself is. I mean, I know myself but do I really know my full potential?
Mr. Fedotov said that I should keep trying many different techniques because I don't know my own abilities yet, and that's perfectly normal. He was talking about my viola playing but maybe I should apply that lesson to life and to what PJ said - that I'm a wonderful person and I need to make myself happy.
I'm also supposed to look for what I want in a relationship, in general. What do I want? I want a lot of things that I have with Brian, but maybe some things that we don't have and maybe we could later or maybe we won't. Some of my favorite examples of couples are Emma and Joseph, the Hinckleys. The Staples, and some of my other friends that I've seen, and my parents were good examples too. I love Brian very much, but if I there was any time that I needed to be single it's now. Then, maybe I could have eternity with him someday, or someone else just as wonderful or even more wonderful for me. It's hard to remember so I need lots of reminders over and over again but that's life.
He is such a supportive friend. He's my best friend. He's always cheering me up and trying to make me feel wonderful. I don't think he weighs me down, but I'm often weighing myself down and maybe it has something to do with him, because I worry about him a lot and about us. And I also let myself get down on myself and often depend on him to help me come back up. And I shouldn't do that. I think he would be much happier if I didn't. And PJ said that I should not worry. That I shouldn't let anyone or anything make me worry.
So I'm trying to do the right things. I have an amazing calling that has been taking some effect. I got to meet with the missionaries and an investigator from the Dominican. How awesome is that? Also, one of the girls I called to invite back to church showed up at the dance! I didn't talk to her too much but I was happy she came. Maybe I had some influence with that? I think so. I am really passionate about missionary work. I need this calling right now.
I also had a GREAT time at the dance! The people that came were all having fun and enjoying one another's company. We were like a big family. I love it. I loved catching up with everyone there. I really enjoyed Stake 'n' Shake afterwards as well and staying up really late posting facebook pictures with Emily.
I should spend less time talking to Brian and when I do make sure it's something meaningful. We are writing a blog together just him and me and I really enjoy that. In the background there's the temple and a picture of us in Chicago. I love that reminder. We're always the best to each other when we are at the temple. Hopefully that new blogging tradition carries when I go to Mexico. I know that he is on his own now, and that no matter what happens with me and our relationship, he's going to turn out just fine, especially if I do too. And that realization takes off a lot of worries.
And most importantly, I can go to my Heavenly Father and Savior, and pray, and the Spirit will give me the direction I need. I haven't been as good with prayer and scripture study as I should, and I will try harder on that. That always helps. I should read my patriarchal blessing too.
I should enjoy my 3 years of "freedom", and prepare to be the best wife and mother and violist and missionary and Stephanie that I can be. And that's something to be passionate about.
This week has been a number of different things. At first really happy from Brian being here and that was quite wonderful and life and then getting really cranky (I was blaming it on it finally sinking in that he left again.) And I'm just re-adjusting. I really need to be myself though now, don't I? I've been trying. PJ talked to me and he always makes me feel humbled and always inspired to try something that I've been wanting to do but I didn't realize which steps to take. I am going to try to give Brian more space and try to find my own happiness in being myself. That's what he wanted too. I guess I just haven't been sure what myself is. I mean, I know myself but do I really know my full potential?
Mr. Fedotov said that I should keep trying many different techniques because I don't know my own abilities yet, and that's perfectly normal. He was talking about my viola playing but maybe I should apply that lesson to life and to what PJ said - that I'm a wonderful person and I need to make myself happy.
I'm also supposed to look for what I want in a relationship, in general. What do I want? I want a lot of things that I have with Brian, but maybe some things that we don't have and maybe we could later or maybe we won't. Some of my favorite examples of couples are Emma and Joseph, the Hinckleys. The Staples, and some of my other friends that I've seen, and my parents were good examples too. I love Brian very much, but if I there was any time that I needed to be single it's now. Then, maybe I could have eternity with him someday, or someone else just as wonderful or even more wonderful for me. It's hard to remember so I need lots of reminders over and over again but that's life.
He is such a supportive friend. He's my best friend. He's always cheering me up and trying to make me feel wonderful. I don't think he weighs me down, but I'm often weighing myself down and maybe it has something to do with him, because I worry about him a lot and about us. And I also let myself get down on myself and often depend on him to help me come back up. And I shouldn't do that. I think he would be much happier if I didn't. And PJ said that I should not worry. That I shouldn't let anyone or anything make me worry.
So I'm trying to do the right things. I have an amazing calling that has been taking some effect. I got to meet with the missionaries and an investigator from the Dominican. How awesome is that? Also, one of the girls I called to invite back to church showed up at the dance! I didn't talk to her too much but I was happy she came. Maybe I had some influence with that? I think so. I am really passionate about missionary work. I need this calling right now.
I also had a GREAT time at the dance! The people that came were all having fun and enjoying one another's company. We were like a big family. I love it. I loved catching up with everyone there. I really enjoyed Stake 'n' Shake afterwards as well and staying up really late posting facebook pictures with Emily.
I should spend less time talking to Brian and when I do make sure it's something meaningful. We are writing a blog together just him and me and I really enjoy that. In the background there's the temple and a picture of us in Chicago. I love that reminder. We're always the best to each other when we are at the temple. Hopefully that new blogging tradition carries when I go to Mexico. I know that he is on his own now, and that no matter what happens with me and our relationship, he's going to turn out just fine, especially if I do too. And that realization takes off a lot of worries.
And most importantly, I can go to my Heavenly Father and Savior, and pray, and the Spirit will give me the direction I need. I haven't been as good with prayer and scripture study as I should, and I will try harder on that. That always helps. I should read my patriarchal blessing too.
I should enjoy my 3 years of "freedom", and prepare to be the best wife and mother and violist and missionary and Stephanie that I can be. And that's something to be passionate about.
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