Happy New Year!

I'm just wishing everyone a happy 2009!!! I hope that everyone feels grateful for the past year. I feel like I have become a better person this year, or at least I have learned a lot of things. I am truly grateful for the many blessings I have had in this past year. My friends and family, for all that I have learned from them. For my roommates. For the strength that I have gained. For my recital, for my jobs, I have just learned a lot and have had a lot of blessings. I know that I have a lot to work on this next year.

Last year, my new year's resolution was to be more organized. I dunno.. how have I been with that? I know that at first I did really try. and I think that I have improved. So I am going to keep working with that. But this year I have a couple. I want to practice 3 hours every day, but I'm not sure if I can do that with the holidays and with some abnormalities in Mexico. But my resolution is to practice 3 hours every day possible. Wish me luck!! My other resolution is to know myself.

Well, for Jamilyn's happiness question, I said what makes me happy is knowing who I am. How do I know better who I am? By coming closer to God, by stretching myself, seeing what new things I can do. By a more intense scripture study, by studying my patriarchal blessing more, by more fervent and heartfelt prayer. By really trying to follow the Spirit. I really want to focus on school, but I think that I have been putting my spiritual things to the side. I am really grateful for my calling, and for the many great spiritual experiences that I've had, but I have been lacking in the daily scripture study, the daily routines.

I think it would be so awesome to also read the Book of Mormon in Spanish every day. That can help me immerse myself in the language while I'm in Mexico.

I'm at the Gilberts now and having a blast. I guess another New Year's resolution I have is to be friends with Brian. Even though I can't say I'm doing perfectly because I'm not. But I think I am still doing well, and everything is going to be okay. That's the important part. Everything is okay. And I know we can do it. Hey, it's the New Year! A time to start over. I am glad to be leaving because that will help. And I think that we are such good friends. It's worth it. And my future husband is worth it too! I wonder who he will be. And I am glad to know that I have friends who understand me. I feel truly blessed.

Well, I hope everyone has a fabulous 2009. Happy New Year!

Love,
Stephi

La Vida en México

Hey, my title's in Spanish! :) I am going to try to take Jami's advice to keep my México trip in the same blog. Christmas has been awesome! time to play rock band! ttyl! :)

Gratitude List - Christmas Eve

Wow.. It has been a long time since I have written a gratitude list! So hopefully I can write lots.

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:

-I am HOME! My Daddy came and got me and Debbie and all of my stuff and brought us home to Grand Rapids. The roads were great and we had some good talks on the way up.
-I got to eat delicious food - always good.
-I survived my shift at the library this morning.
-I have money.. I just deposited a bunch of checks and that was a good feeling. lol.
-I am grateful that I am caught up with my tithing. Well, I was until yesterday, but it will be easy to do.
-I got really cool gifts tonight - Lime Green pajama pants with Cherries on them that Lisa's mom made, some awesome slippers that Lisa picked out, and a headset to talk on skype with from Collin. Good thing I didn't buy one because I almost did!
-I got so spend time with my family. I really missed them.
-We have a tradition of reading the Christmas story from the Bible. This year (and I think he has done it the last couple of years too) my Daddy read a combination, switching back and forth from the Bible to the Book of Mormon. That was neat. It's a good tradition that I want to have with my own family.
-I got to go to La Mexicana today with Nick. We spoke in Spanish almost the whole time and ate yummy food. It was really nice to catch up. And he got to meet Debbie and Sam, well, actually talk to them anyways.
-I have been able to hang out with my friends during all of break. Just in the past week I have seen Justin, Brian, Annalaura, Caity, Rudi, Kari, Mary, and Nick. I am so glad that I have had great opportunities to see my friends before I leave! That means a lot to me.
-I was able to finish packing!!!! Now that is an achievement I have been working on forever. I am so glad to finally have sorted all of my stuff out.

To be continued.. I've got to go. I hope everyone has a Merry Christmas!!!!!
Love,
Stephi

Brian's home!

Well, Brian's home. We have had some great times together. We still like eachother, but we know it is worth it to be friends, and we are both happier that way. Well, let's see.. on Friday I went to his house and played UNO with his family and helped Sue decorate for Christmas - I don't want to admit it because it took way longer than I expected, but I enjoyed decorating, especially since I didn't get to do that at my apartment or at my house in GR. I still love his family very much. Lauren was there and she is ADORABLE. So cute because now she can say words and I love hearing her talk.
On Sunday Brian was supposed to come and hang out with the missionaries, Sam, Debbie, and I, but Sam and the missionaries cancelled (Sam had to work early and the missionaries didn't want to drive in the snow, I don't blame them.) So Brian helped me pack and he was also supposed to help move my bed which we still did in the blizzard. lol. We also got to listen to cheesy Christmas music and we talked too and it was a good time.
Monday was quite the adventure. Brian did me this huge favor by helping me get my car to Otsego. On the way there.. my car overheated.. so I had to pull over on the freeway in the snow and freezing cold. I called my dad. He said to put water in the radiator. Brian drove me to the nearest gas station to get some water. But after we filled it, it was acting up still. I realized that instead of filling the actual radiator, we filled the reservoir.. which did nothing. So Brian filled the radiator for me because I had no gloves (I knew I should have dressed warmer!) Well, that finally worked. And we were still able to go the mall and get some presents, thank goodness it closed at 10 instead of 9! And that was a good time too. We had a fun, a really great time, but now it's time for a break. I'm not going to see him until Friday. And that's a good thing. I can't wait for Christmas and family! I'm happy to go home.

Meanwhile... I feel impatient because I'm waiting for Justin to e-mail me back. I know that it has been no time at all since I've e-mailed him but I thought of a great gift to get him for Christmas, and I can't send it to him because I don't know his address in Idaho. :( Plus I miss him. But I need to be patient! I was patient on Wednesday just fine. I guess it comes and goes, haha. Nah.. I think I've been patient since then. :)

Well, I've got presents.. suitcases almost finished being packed.. I'm almost ready to leave my apartment.. but some last finishing touches including cleaning the bathroom.. it's getting kinda gross.. haha. anyway, I hope everyone has a great holiday! Oh, one thing, I was thinking about making a separate blog for Mexico trip stuff. Should I? Well, I need to write a gratitude list soon. It's been a while! wow! I will very soon. I will talk to you all later. :)

Love,
Stephi

Hayden is ADORABLE!!!

Today Rudi came over and took pictures of me and Debbie and Sam - she had huge cabin fever, haha. We had a good time. Then we went to the hospital to visit Kari and Bret and brought them MacDonalds. :) We were so tempted to eat Bret's McFlurry.. haha. Hayden was absolutely beautiful. We each got to hold him and every time he moved or made a sound we just melted. He has SO MUCH HAIR! haha. He's gorgeous. I'm so jealous and really happy for them. They are doing great. Bret is happy and so is Kari, and mom and baby are doing very well. I am so grateful for that and that I got to see Hayden before I leave for Mexico!
Thanks for taking me, Rudi! And for the pictures. I think I'll post some of them, maybe for the top of my blog and put my family picture on the side. I love that picture but I like changing things up once in a while.
Lots of Love,
Stephi

SNO DAYYYYYYYYY!!!

wow.. what a blizzard.. apparently we've got tons of snow.. I've hardly seen it though, haha. I think I should get out there sometime. But for now.. packing as much as possible and practicing. Wish me luck! Be safe out there!

Yeah, Healthy!

I love Char living here already - she's the one replacing me in the apartment. She and Debbie have been good friends since high school. Anyway.. she's a good influence on Debbie, and in turn, me, in terms of health. She lost a lot of weight and now I can see why. She eats healthy and exercises. Go figure! Well, somehow they started doing some exercises together and today Debbie and I did some - wow! me exercising again! It hasn't been too much but it's making me feel like I can accomplish something. Afterwards, Debbie said.. I want to cook something healthy! "Can you make me some?" "No.." "Can I use your stuff?" "Yeah." So I took her new recipe - Jami would be proud - well, that is if you eat eggs.. I can't remember. We made an egg and tofu salad. it is SO good

The official recipe as created by us:

Scramble 1 egg and some tofu in vegetable oil (I'm sure olive oil would work great for this too).
Add Pepper, Garlic Salt, Salt, and Italian Seasoning.
Put the scrambled mix on top of a plate of Sweet Baby Lettuce
Sprinkle with cheese
Enjoy your healthy meal.

My favorite recipes are the simple and yummy ones. It is SO good.

Yesterday: a long long LONG day.

Yesterday was a long long long day. I was able to still go to Grand Rapids during the day and get my dentist appointment (I rescheduled) and thank goodness my teeth are in excellent shape! (that's pretty much unheard of for me so I was quite pleased), big ol' suitcases, the bracelets I bought for me and the kids - mine says: Awareness Saves! and on the back: In Memory: Donna Mathias. It is pink and has a little ribbon on it. It's awesome. Each kid has their own color and message on it. for example, Maddy's says, I'm not short! I'm fun size! - they are birthday presents for them. :) Going to the dentist and back I was able to have some bonding time with my 14-year-old sister, Katie. That was really cool because I know that it meant a lot to her, and I'm sure she could tell that it meant a lot to me, I know that both her and Becky love any time that they can spend with just me, and unfortunately, it is a rare thing. I'll make sure to have some quality time with Bec before I leave, for sure.

Well, before I was about to leave, Justin called (we were supposed to go ice skating that night), and said that he could replace my starter that night because he found one for cheap - I was like, sure! Let's do it! Well, we were planning on it taking like 30 minutes, maybe an hour - well.. it ended up taking almost 2 hours, so no ice skating, BUT it was a really good way to get to know eachother better.. I know, spending 2 hours freezing so bad it was painful and gross (I mean, I'm still scratching dirt out of my hair and our coats were unusable for the rest of the night gross) under my oldladymobile sounds so romantic - but I had fun. :) I felt like i was helping because I was holding the flashlight and helping him find things. I like to feel like I can help in some way when people are fixing my car - especially if they do it for free. I just am so amazed by people who do that. It seems like such a pain, and it was haha.

Well, something went wrong - all the sudden, we noticed a leak - some brown stuff. But I was SO cold I was like, let's just do something warm and then we can worry about it later. So, hot chocolate and then a movie? no movies.. how about steak 'n' shake? I owed him dinner. That was yummy and fun. I'm just that big a fan of steak 'n' shake plus I had a gift card, haha. Then my apartment and tv? nothing good on. So we ended up watching silly movies online = a twilight spoof and Brian Regan - until midnight when we were like... okay.. time to look at that leak.
Well, it was radiator fluid - yikes - I was freaking out. there was absolutely nothing we could do about it. I called Nick - my #1 source for car fixing - he was busy - I felt TERRIBLE for bugging him - I guess it was the straw that broke my camel's back of stress. so I started crying and was pretty upset about the whole thing - how am I going to pay for this?? especially since I know it's something that we did when we were trying to fix it - it's my fault - that never helps. I already blame myself too much. Well, he said that I could still drive it too a place.. but so much for that - when I tried to park it - it wouldn't even go forward. yikes.

Well, despite being upset, I tried really hard to still be grateful to Justin because I am - the starter works great and he worked SO HARD on it. And I could tell that he really wanted to help this problem too - he said he'd run and get the parts and fix it right now if he could. Also, it was hard for me to be too upset because I like him. Go figure. It was a lame time to say goodbye for 6 months. I gave him a big hug and he said that we'd e-mail eachother. yay. :) Well, the odds are 90/1 that he'll be married by the time I come back, but this was good for me anyway. Maybe I can root for that 1/90 once in a while! :) I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful for the whole thing actually, because well, my dad wasn't mad, my car got towed for free since it's AAA, in 3 weeks I won't even have a car to worry about! My friends forgave me for bugging them, and I even got to talk to Brian late that night because I was feeling really terrible, and I needed a friend and that's what he was and it meant a lot. A couple of days ago I asked him how he felt about us and he said, I like our relationship as it is right now (as just friends). I think that we are better off this way, and we both know it. And despite all my insanity, I had a great date and someone new to think about, someone really awesome. There is a lot to be grateful for.

I know this is a huge burst of writing in all its detail but I needed it. Most of my day today consisted of UGHHHHHHHH - the after effects from yesterday. And I didn't sleep that well. But I needed a chance to look on the bright side, and this is the best way to do it.
I hope everyone's doing well!! I'm missing you already.
Love,
Stephi

hey!! :)

So here I am! I really did want to write about my date and the fun stuff that we did. I drove out to his house in St. Joe and then we went out to dinner at this fun place called Clementine's. Then we went to the "tourist part" of St. Joe. We walked around by all the lights and the cute shops and the funny snowmen. That was really cool. Then we drove by the lake but didn't get out to see it closer because it was too cold!! brrr! haha. Then we went back to his house, and I met his family. I had met most of them before but didn't know them beyond their names. They seemed really fun and nice. I did meet his 13-year-old twin sisters for the first time - one plays violin and the other plays viola! yeah! awesome. They are really cute. They both gave me a mini-concert and I played a bit for them and talked with them about string instruments lol. Then Justin took me out to see the new house they are going to move in to. It was neat because it had a big horse barn in the back! I guess I'm not used to country stuff so I enjoyed it that much more, haha. Well, when I was finally about to leave.. my car wouldn't start.. it has had a bad habit of that lately. I am really glad that Justin knows a lot about cars, so he was able to get it running again.. but there's more. hahaha. On my way home, my car was acting funny.. so I called Justin for advice - I was kinda freaking out because it was something that never happened before. He said I'd make it home and just to keep going, but he basically talked me through it and gave me advice on what to do when I got home. I made it to 131, and then I said.. maybe I should say a prayer. And it started working! That thing runs on faith, I tell ya. He was really nice about it - he was like, if it acts up again just give me a call back, okay? =)
So that was Saturday.
Sunday, Sunday - welfare meeting and then preparing for my lesson. I thought it turned out well, mostly because of the sisters and the spirit - hardly because of my teaching skills, but that isn't what is important. :) Then later on that night Debbie, Sam, and I went to Annalaura, Jana, and Lillian's apartment to enjoy brownies and "storytime" with the missionaries. At the end, they taught Sam about the Plan of Salvation and committed him and Debbie to reading the Book of Mormon together - how cute. I think that will be a really good thing for them, and has potential for good spiritual experiences together.
On the way home, though, we got into a discussion about proposition 8.. yikes! No matter what we said - and I thought that we were saying everything we could - he just could not get over it. But I was proud of Debbie for standing up. Maybe when he learns more he'll understand better.

Monday, let's see - I think it was just work and sorting through clothes to pack and give away.

Tuesday, more work - and then hanging out with a friend. I played a "mini concert" for him and then we went to a Mexican restaurant and talked about life, and relationships haha, and other stuff. That was fun. When I got home though, the weather was getting pretty bad. Debbie and Sam came here saying that the weather was terrible - so I stayed the night instead of going to Grand Rapids like I wanted. but at least I was able to do some more packing and then hang out with Debbie and Char and try to do some pilates, tae bo and then some cardio - but we stopped that since it was midnight and we were afraid to wake the people under us - haha! it was HILARIOUS though and so much fun to work out and feel ridiculous together.

Well, I'm going to write about yesterday in a different post because this is getting LONG!
Lots of love!
Stephi

Still can't sleep

I have been so excited and anxious about everything. By the way, my date was great. I'll tell you about it soon. I can't sleep. I have been so bad at blogging but have been too stressed to write I think. I will try to write soon. I have been having some really great days lately. but it is late, I will have to keep procrastinating. Sorry! I love you all dearly. I'll talk to you soon.
Love,
Stephi

Time to Write!!

You know what one of my favorite things about blogging is?? Jamilyn. Just had to throw that out there. :)

I was so excited about our sleepover even though I was really tired and didn't end up seeing her until like 9. It was at Fri-NA and we all watched the Santa Clause. That was awesome. After the movie we went to her house and we used my foot and hand stuff and soaked our hands and feet and just talked. Well, mostly I talked. She asked me questions and listened to me. It made me feel special. I was able to paint her toes all cute and listen to her too. Then came scripture time and sleep - but even though I said a nice and long and comforting prayer, I still couldn't sleep - worries? maybe.. I'm glad she slept like a rock so my moving around didn't bother her. She made me breakfast in the morning too. how awesome.

On Saturday, my car was having some trouble starting.. so Jami took me to work and AL took me back to my car later which was nice - and of course it started then. :) Well, I was happy. but when we were at the apartment and Debbie and I were about to leave Debbie prayed and it worked!

Yesterday was awesome too - at first I wasn't feeling to great but church was nice. I enjoyed playing in the string quartet with Rudi, Em, and Jamilyn. We should DEFINITELY do that next fall. I also enjoyed bearing my testimony. And I made a new friend - Amanda. She seems really nice and I hope that she comes to the branch more often. I can tell that good things will come from that. Jana's lesson was great - she did seem more sunshiney. And we did a role play visiting teaching in Relief Society - lol!!!!!!!!! Annalaura and I were companions and Kari was the teachee. So cute! Then break the fast and that amazing Christmas message at 8:00. Yeah, church was really awesome. I also got work done on my composition. It was finally finished!! and Jonathan and my friends loved it which was great encouragement - (and I loved it too) it's in my head now. :)

Oh today, well, I finished the last minute things to my composition - writing in the dynamics and typing up the program notes. Then the performances and that was fun - although I was so nervous to perform my piece - but I guess that means I liked it and wanted it to sound good. I have to go now, so I will talk to you more soon!
Lots of love,
Sunshine

Gratitude: my patriarchal blessing

Of course I can't post my blessing but I did want to just say that I am so grateful to have a patriarchal blessing and some of the reasons why.
It makes me feel who I really am and who I really want to be.
It reminds me how much my Heavenly Father loves me and to love others.
It assures me that the things that are most important to me in life will be accomplished.
It counsels me to remember to take care of myself physically and spiritually and remember the little things every day.
It compliments the talents and divinity within me and lets me know that my efforts are worthwhile.
It comforts me by letting me know that there is a plan for everything in my life - my trials, my joys, my experiences, and well, especially remembering that my trials are part of His plan. That means I can get through them and that they will make me stronger and that He will help me through them.

I know that each person that has a patriarchal blessing has a gift from God. It definitely helps with the lonliness thing. :) So take yours out - it took me a long time before I finally listened to that prompting to read it and I am so grateful that I did, especially after some rough days lately.

Love,
Stephi

Oh, there is something else..

I also wanted to write some of my general blessings because I don't do that too much and should in honor of Thanksgiving:

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for:

- A place to live.
- Money and food and my needs and wants.
- A wonderful family that loves me.
- The gospel, my Savior.
- School, all of the things I have learned this year.
- My recital. That it went well.
- My mom - I invited her to come and I'm pretty sure she was there. Why wouldn't she be?
- I'm grateful for temples.
- Fast offerings and tithing - I got to give a talk about it today.
- My talents.
- I'm going to Mexico to study abroad! in one month and one week - I can't believe it.
- My friends. My school friends, friends from the branch, and other friends I have. I love them all.
- My calling. It means so much to me. All of the callings I have received this year.
- I can be forgiven of my sins. How wonderful is that?
- My Heavenly Father loves me.
- and all the growth and progress I have made in the past year. Looking back through all of the experiences I have had, I know I have grown and am grateful for every one of those experiences.

Love,
Stephi

Gratitude List in Honor of Thanksgiving :)

Wow, so many wonderful things have happened. I've had a really great break.
I am thankful to my Heavenly Father that:

-On Friday I had a wonderful time with Debbie, Mary and Mary's friend Lisa. I got spoiled and my dress worked - I'm really grateful for that.
-On Saturday I worked and then went on an awesome date. I was nervous, but it was still fun and towards the end I got more comfortable and it was fun to get to know eachother better. He's a really great guy. Oh - and what's better is that yesterday I got a letter in the mail from Steak 'n' Shake. We went there at the end of our date (and I think that was the most fun part.) When we were there, I expressed my frustration to the waiter (he was really nice though) that they changed the menu, they took off my favorite shakes. No more cookie dough or fruit and frozen yoghurt?! He said they were trying out a smaller menu, and I wanted to give my feedback. He said to go online so I did that night and yesterday I got a $5 gift card from them. How awesome is that? I should give feedback more often! Anyway, I thought that was a good story, and a very small but awesome thing to be grateful for.
-Sunday - church at the good ol' KUB. I sat next to Jami and she was really awesome and supportive. Brian came - I was nervous of course, and it was awkward.. but church was still good and the lessons were good, even if I wasn't paying as much attention as I should have. I especially remember Desi's lesson even though I don't remember what it was about right now. I remember that we have a lot in common and I like that about her.
-Brian and I were able to talk too - we have actually had some good times together. I was able to spend some time with his family and with him and we were still able to be friends. I am SO grateful for that. I think the best was last night. I went to his house to play games with his family and afterwards him and I talked. He was really understanding and encouraging as he has been all week (he's good at that). Before I went to his house I prayed and found comfort that I just need to wait right now, either wait for Brian or for someone else. I need to just wait and see what the Lord has planned for me, and focus on other things. It's hard and lonely for me right now. It is especially hard to wait. I am not good at that. but I still have good people all around me that I can serve and that serve me and the Lord comforting me.
-I am grateful that I kept the promise that I made to myself that we had to be just friends and to live by it.
- I am sooo grateful that my recital on Tuesday went well! All of my friends were encouraging me and I had a good turn out. My favorite part was the dress rehearsal because my teacher was so impressed - YES! when a wmu string faculty is impressed and compliments you, I'm telling ya, it's an amazing feeling.
- I got to get tons of hugs afterwards - Everyone was so sweet and they loved it. I was pleased with myself that after Mr. Fedotov came back and told me not to be scared I just went out there and stood up to my fears. It was a good feeling.
- I am grateful for the REST I have gotten. I have been relaxing and watching a lot of tv - too much, but it was fun. I got to spend time with my family. I love them.
- I had an amazing thanksgiving - yummy food, and I helped with the meal!! I did the yams and the stuffing! Everyone was in a good mood this weekend. With 12 (1/2) people in the house that's something to be grateful for. :)
-I was able to get things done, well, at least able to get things ready for my student visa. That is a pain to do.
-I bought a bamboo tree! I needed something to love and take care of, and something easy. I love him! I think he'll brighten my apartment up a bit. :)

I have many more blessings but I think this is enough to read for now. From what I've heard everyone seems to have had a good break. I am so grateful for that.
Love,
Stephi

For Yesterday - a small prayer answered, many blessings

Today Heavenly Father answered a prayer for me to be able to purchase my gift for my siblings. so many awesome blessings happened today, little, but big for me, especially when they added up. I got rest, i passed my quiz, I had fun at the mall with Debbie and Sam, I bought a bamboo tree that I'm in love with. I overcame my struggles with my thoughts, I did the dishes and cleaned the fridge! I did some things on my to-do list. I talked to Frank, I thanked people, I had good times with Debbie. She has been really amazing! my recital was awesome. I am so pleased with myself - mainly with my progress this semester. I really have worked hard!! I am excited to see where it goes. I made a to-do list, and I accomplished some of the things. Especially having the dishes and fridge clean makes me feel accomplished lol. Oh, and I have been feeling this real inspiration to give, to donate, I guess it's that Christmas spirit! but my box, I have been saving up for a breast cancer donation - I think it was going to go into the change machines at first, you know, for the salvation army, but maybe I'll use my fast offering for that. I guess that's a good place to put it. I love the Christmas spirit - I found my christmas CD and started listening to it. I am SO grateful that the Lord shows His love to me in so many ways.

I still will have to tell you about my date with Justin which was pretty awesome, and also my friendship with Brian. It's going well, but it's still hard.

I pray that I can give back to the Lord.. I don't know if this counts as a PSS but I hope that all goes well. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Focus on Today - lessons I'm learning

I would love some feedback or just to hear from you. I miss you all! I hope everyone has been having a good week.

I have been trying really, really hard to be more independent. I think I have been doing a good job, but the problem is, when I try to be independent, sometimes I forget to focus on God. okay, a lot. How can I remember? It's not that I don't want Him, I just plain forget.
One of the things Mary said was to not be depressed about the past, and not anxious about the future, just live in today. What can I do today to glorify God, to better myself, what can I accomplish today?

Yesterday, I really tried to do that, and I felt great, I slept in, I worked on cleaning the room, I took a shower, I practiced. I read scriptures the night before, at least I've been reading, but I haven't been applying it as much, I've been reading some great things. I think I need to write down what I learn and how I can apply them to today.

I am trying not to stress out. I am a bit stressed because I had such a fun but long evening with Debbie, Mary, and her friend Lisa who is awesome. We went to the mall and I got toes, hands, and eyebrows made over and ready to go for my recital. I also got a new dress, nothing like how I expected, but it looks so awesome, I can use it for anything! It was an amazing time, totally being girls and just crazy. But I just feel bad spending money, even though I know that it's okay because it is a special occasion, it's okay to spoil myself, right? I just need to cut back on something else - I think I'm not going to get a haircut like I was wanting to, that will help. I need to pay my tithing. That will help too. I also got shoes but I'm returning them, Debbie said I could borrow hers (which are way cuter, it is definitely a win situation for me)

Writing in a blog really helps me think about what is best for me, how to come closer to being that princess of God my Heavenly Father knows I can be. I hope that I can better glorify him.
It was also great to spend time with Debbie, she has been a real help for me, and it has been a long time since either of us have had a girls night out. I'm so glad that I thought to invite her - It must have been the Spirit.

This weekend, I'm going to rest, I'm going to work, I'm going to have fun, I'm going to do stuff I don't want to do, a bit of everything. I would love any advice and feedback, I'm sure all of you have had big things that you were nervous and excited about.

I am also excited because tomorrow I'm going on a date with Justin - I am going to cook dinner for him and then maybe practice some of my recital for him since he might not be able to come to it. Well, I hope that it goes well, that I have a fun time. It's good to go on dates.

Brian and I have still been able to be just friends, there have been some hard times, but what can you expect? I am really determined, and he is too. I think he knows that I am really working hard to make this happen, to make things different than how they were, and I think it's working. That's one of the main reasons I am trying so hard to be independent. Pray for me. Pray that we can be friends, and that I can feel the Spirit and find comfort. Well, there is this scripture saying that if we are pure in heart that our confidence will wax strong in the presence of God - that's it! that's what I want. I need to focus on my Heavenly Father and Savior.

Stake conference was amazing. I felt real inspiration to be better, to think, what can I do to be better, it's just hard to remember past the morning or night, to remember throughout the day. What do you do?

I hope everyone has a great weekend and I love you all dearly.

Love,
Sunshine

Countdown

That countdown is scaring me a bit, I don't like those seconds ticking! I can't believe it's only 47 days until I will be living in a foreign country! It's exciting, but I will miss Kalamazoo and everyone terribly!

Jami's Happiness Questions

Jami -
Wow, what an interesting post. I think that that is something that I learn about every day, but I wouldn't mind answering your questions.

1- What makes me happy?Knowing who I am. Whether it's the Gospel, my friends, my family, my Savior, or my talents, when I learn new things about myself, or feel confidence about the things I already know, I think that that is a big factor in making me happy.

2- When I'm unhappy, what do I change? Usually I'm unhappy because I feel like I'm lacking something, or because I'm worried what others think, or because I'm not doing something I should. A lot of times, it has to do with my prayers and scripture study. I also usually look for help in my friends or in PJ. I try to take their advice to heart to know what I should change.

3 - How does religion affect your happiness?Well, of course it makes me happy! With the gospel, we can know who we are, we can know how to change, how to make up for our mistakes. Stake conference really gave me a good desire to change and filled me with peace. Last night I was able to pray and read scriptures and that helped too. Our religion is a lifestyle that revolves around the Savior, around always becoming better, about friendship and family, about so many wonderful things that make us happy.

4- Do you think you have control over your own happiness?I think the time when we are the least happy is when we blame things on others. I heard a quote that says, "The only disability in life is a bad attitude." At times we find ourselves in situations where that is the only thing we feel control over. It's a hard thing to remember, but focusing on the Savior, on bettering ourselves, can really help with that. We have control over our actions, and happiness is also feeling good about the things you do. We definitely have control over our own happiness.

I think I'll post this on my blog as well, maybe it can help me remember what makes me happy. I love you, Jami! :)

I also really like what your friend said before me, I didn't read it until after I wrote my comments, but it's really awesome. It's going right along with the emphasis on service in our Stake Conference yesterday! :)

A bit late

Debbie and Stephi looking cute!

These are some old pictures that Deb just put on Facebook. They were so cute I couldn't resist posting them on here. the pumpkin is one I made myself - I'm quite pleased with it! worked pretty hard - this is the first time I've ever carved a pumpkin myself. :)

Gratitude List

This has been an interesting week. 2 weeks since my break up with Brian. I think it can be official now to say we broke up again. We have still been able to be good friends, I talked to him for a while yesterday. I still think I'm better off without being his girlfriend, even though it has been hard, some days harder than others. We've been working towards it for a while but it's been hard because we still love eachother, I think it will be a while before that completely goes away. But his friendship is worth it to me. The past couple of weeks we have learned that it's okay, that we can make it. only a week and a half until I see him again. I am nervous, but as long as I remember why it's best, I know that we can maintain just being friends.

Lately, I've found strength from my friends. It's not just me who's struggling with boys. A lot of friends are, so even though we have different situations we can be there for each other and lament and get excited for each other. I have been growing closer to people I thought I would never get close to. Like my violista friend Mary, I had no idea we had so much in common in general. I get really excited about friendship, because I am so passionate about it.

I also was able to spend time with Trish yesterday, and I am really glad to have her back in my life. We have both changed a lot since last time we were close, so much that in a way, it feels like I am best friends with someone new. Maybe she feels that way about me too. It's a bit harder to notice changes in myself. I'm grateful for her. I'm grateful that we made invitations together - they are truly amazing and she has great creative talent! I'm so excited to show everyone.

I am grateful for my calling. I still can't describe how much it is already blessing my life. I definitely need the sisters in the presidency. I need their advice and their spirits and their support. They are great examples to me in everything that I do.

I am grateful that I was able to practice in the lecture hall last night. I have been having like 0 motivation since my hearing. I'm really trying though, it's not too late yet!

I am grateful for skype. It's helped me to be able to contact people, and to talk to Brian who I missed a lot. It's been a challenge not having a phone. :( but it's a good experience, I guess, kept me from talking to Brian too much. It's humbling to not have something so I can call anyone when I have a problem or want to take care of something, I've had to e-mail, which can be a good thing.

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior, I am still having trouble getting myself to read scriptures the way I should, but They still love me and still have blessed me. I think I am going to go read now. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Love,
Sunshine

Prayer

I love my violista and complicated relationships friend Mary, she gave me some great advice about prayer and faith. It's incredible. She said to dedicate time to writing about my worries, and then the rest of the day to focus on other things, but what? My viola, Mexico, or my future husband, whoever he may be, or some other talent, art, how about crochet? Poetry. oh yeah! there was this poem I wanted to post - it's sad but amazing. I can't express how grateful I am for blogging, and the blog that Brian and I have together. It's great to write because we think more clearly, and we can vent out our stress and worries and good feelings constructively, and go back and remember the things we've learned. I know that my Heavenly Father loves me and will help everything be okay.

Last night, I felt the Spirit more, it was great. :) Today has been a better day.

Love,
Sunshine

Gratitude Lists and Life

It's been a while since I wrote in here. It's still been difficult to write, but things are building up, so I need to write a gratitude list.

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:
-I PASSED MY RECITAL HEARING! Yay!!
-My parents are sending me another phone - It is so lame being phone-less.
-The test today was much easier than I thought
-My friend wasn't mad that I missed our meeting yesterday.
-I got to see an old time friend, and make a new friend (and they knew each other which was totally crazy - I saw them within a half hour of each other.)
-I helped this new friend translate a poem - he seemed pretty impressed with my poetry and Spanish skills.
-I have been gaining more confidence in myself. I know I definitely can't do that on my own.
-I love my roommates Debbie and Emily. They are awesome. I got to go to the store with Debbie yesterday and watch P and P with Emily the other day. They are good company.
-I love my new calling. I feel inadequate because a secretary is supposed to be organized. I am notorious for being unorganized. Maybe helping the R.S. stay calm and organized will help myself - okay, definitely. There are so many ways that this is right, I don't think I even know, though I have an idea. Every time I think about it or receive a text or e-mail from Annalaura, I feel the Spirit really strong. It's humbling.
- Only 2 months until Mexico!
-2 weeks until my recital.
-2 weeks until I can see my family.
-I am more independent - I am supergirl. I am a daughter of God.
-I love my friends.
-I made money at work. Money is good.
-I was able to spend time with Brian's family and his little niece and nephews. They are as adorable as ever.
:)
I hope everyone is having a great week! I will see you all soon.
Love,
Stephi

So many tips

I haven't felt like writing too much.

I'm trying to figure things out.

Stress with my recital - I think I have been just making a bigger deal out of it than it is. I just need to realize that I'm going to be great, no matter what happens. I've worked so hard for this. I've just got to trust myself now, and trust that my Heavenly Father will help me.

Mary said to be Diva Stephanie when I'm on stage - to get all cute and be totally confident - a different character if I have to be.

Mr. Fedotov said to act like I'm a composer when I play - every note is there for a reason - express that reason, your reason, like you're writing it on the spot while you're performing it. That really helped my playing.

Jamilyn said Bach 1-2-3 rule. love it. I wrote down some other things she said too. I'll post more soon.

Love,

Stephanie

"My Grace is Sufficient for you.."

Wow.

What a week.

I have had a really, really rough weekend, that I'm trying to forgive myself and make up for and let go of the way I acted and the way things happened, my super moodiness and unfortunately at the same time I felt trapped, is there any way to make up for making mistakes and letting people down?

And the only way I could let go and forgive myself was through my Sunday. Today was definitely a Sunday made for me. I could tell a lot of people felt that way, but I know without a doubt that I needed today.

Today I woke up feeling pretty bad from "girl stuff" and from such an emotionally draining past couple of days. Satan was still bothering me, even after 10 hours of sleep! But when I went to choir with Jamilyn's amazing choir leading skills ;) - and she really did a great job. It reminds me of our practicing sessions together. She's good at taking different ways to solve hard spots and to look at a piece or a line of music. And she makes it fun, and it makes great progress too. It's nice to sing again too. And I talked to Emily, and even though I thought she was mad at me she wasn't, and that helped a lot, especially spending good quality time with her today too. I love her.

And such an amazing testimony meeting. Every testimony helped my own. And when I bore my testimony I talked about how I remembered a scripture, My Grace is sufficient for you, after all that you can do. Mike was talking about how perfect the Savior was. If someone that perfect can forgive me after all that I can do, then I'm sure everyone else does too. And, perhaps most importantly, I can forgive myself (and that's the one I have the most trouble with). I felt so much better.

And everyone's testimonies were reminding me of that same thing, and I looked in the topical guide for that scripture and I couldn't find the one that said after all that we can do, but I definitely found some that said My Grace is sufficient for you, and that was a powerful message. I hope I was able to help remind people just as I was being reminded. Jamilyn's testimony seemed similar to what I was thinking and it was powerful because I look up to her so much, and she keeps trying to remind me that I'm awesome too. And Kari's message was really powerful and encouraging, I wish I could remember exactly what she said, something about trials and how we handle them or that we are amazing or both. lol.

I felt so encouraged also because my fast was that I would be less stressed out. And today when I had a trial, instead of handling it negatively (which often happens), I handled it positively, and even kinda laughed about it. And I was really pleased, that not only was Heavenly Father answering my prayer, but he was making a trial for my good - without that trial, I wouldn't've had that chance to improve, and wouldn't have felt so good about myself or felt like my prayer was answered so fast. It was a real blessing. I hope I can handle more trials that way.

Everyone loved our orchestra concert. Orch gets me so pumped!

Afterwards was break the fast, and some of us came at the tail end of it, and Me and Trish and Brie and AL and Jamilyn and her parents were sitting around the table and that was nice. And there was still yummy food left for us to feast upon... yummmmm. lol I am also grateful that Annalaura prayed and received inspiration for me to be the relief society secretary. It is so fast after my last callings but the Spirit is really confirming it. It's where I need to be. Plus I get to see her and the other members of the presidency more and serve together. I'm really excited about that, and it's an honor to serve and work with the relief society sisters. It's humbling and I hope that I work hard to fulfill it well.

And of course, the wonderful talk by the presiding Bishop Burton. It was like, an answer to what I was thinking. When others are dissappointed with me, if I work really hard to do what the Lord wants me to do, I can make something of myself, and later, they will be impressed by it if not right away. It was great encouragement. He also talked about prayer and how we need the Lord's hand in the direction of our lives.

I love Sundays.

Well, I should go work on my composition. I'm kindof excited about it. Flute and Viola duet. woot! I love you all, I hope everyone has a wonderful night.

Love,
Sunshine

Gratitude List

Hey, I'm sitting in the computer lab now because I really felt like I should write a gratitude list.  After such an awesome and encouraging weekend and beginning of the week, the past couple of days I have been pretty rough on myself.  I blamed in on pms or not getting enough sleep, but I think it could also be the fact that I'm expecting so much out of myself and not relying on the Lord enough, or something like that.  Or maybe a combination of all of them.  Either way, I need to write a gratitude list and cheer up.  It always works.

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:

-my friends love me

-Brian loves me.

-I learned a lot this weekend.

-I've been reading general conference talks.

-I had a great lesson.

-I was about to help with the idea of our viola t-shirts - that's pretty awesome.

-Jamilyn snapped me into perspective.  She's such an awesome person and always brightens my day, just not wanting to let her down is enough of a reason for me to cheer up, let alone wanting to do it for myself.  And she thinks I'm awesome too, and she always encourages me.  I love having her and Shane in the school of music.  We can look out for eachother! 

-I also said something to make Brian cheer up today, well, he was already ok, but I brightened his day a bit, and it cheered me up.

-I'm listening to jazz for my music exam.  I love it!  

-Trish is coming back to church and back into my life.  I missed her and it's good to have her back!

-I'm about to go to orchestra.  We have a concert this weekend.  I'm kinda excited, they are fun pieces and we've been working hard on them.

-I have some more time later today to practice, to make up for the time that I'm missing now to write this list and to study.  That's good. 

-I have 2 last names because I'm Mexican - okay not really, but I like it, I've always liked my mom's name, and we had to write it on our student visa applications.

-I was able to read up a bit on the presidential candidates.  I think I'll read even more today at the library or on Saturday.  I just want to make sure I like who I'm voting for.

-My sister found my practice room key - I thought I lost it again! lol.  

-I decided to graduate in 4 1/2 years.  At least it's not 5 and I'm happy about that.  Many double majors take at least 5 years.  

-Look how many blessings.  But now I really should go.  I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and my Savior and for my gratitude lists.  I really should write them every single day so I can keep cheered up and not let things weigh me down so much.  In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Love,

Sunshine

I just read Elder Bednar's talk on Prayer

Wow. What a powerful lesson. I know I have so much work to do, but my Heavenly Father loves me. I love Him so much and I pray that I will be able to have better communications with Him so that I can recieve more revelation and be happier and live up to all he expects from me. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
That's what I wrote in my journal after taking a few notes.

I was thinking about how much work I have to do on that. President Johnson also asked me how my prayers were doing, and I am always humbled by that because he asks me about my prayers every time. I hope that this talk, with this fresh perspective on prayer, helps me improve my prayers. I can even pray for that.
I am His daughter. I know He's not critiquing my prayers. He just wants me to be happy. I could definitely feel that through the talk. That's what General Conference is about. We can't learn it all at once, but little by little, and keep adding on. I feel like I've been really trying to do that lately. I love my Heavenly Father very much and I try to do what's right.

I also realized something else humbling, but at the same time, it gives me confidence too. I have not always been the best listener. I think that might be why I'm not the best at prayers. I just want to talk and not listen, and listening is half the work, if not more. But lately I've been able to listen better, especially after the YSA conference. I have been able to help 2 good friends by simply listening to them (at least I believe it helped). What a blessing. I also learn from them too, and I'm also so grateful for the people that also are good listeners to me. Friends are a necessity in life. I may not have always been a good listener, and I am still learning, but I have always cared about others and wanted to help them. And through my life experiences, I have learned so much about being a good friend and listener since a few years ago. And just imagine how I could be in the future, tomorrow even. Or maybe when I'm old (er) and in some relief society presidency, or a mother, or still a friend.

Hopefully my listening in my prayers and my prayers in general can improve as well, even if it is as gradually as my listening skills with my friends.
I am so grateful for the many blessings I have in my life. I have countless. I really do, I need to write another gratitude list soon. But I think I should go to bed now. It's late!
Emily and I were talking about the tragedies that are happening today because of something she read in the news and a story we read in Spanish class. It is SO sad. I can't even believe it. I am grateful not only that those things have not happened close to me, but I am also grateful for Eternity, and everyone's compensations in the next life. I love my Heavenly Father and Savior and I know this gospel is true. I say this in the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen.
I know this is more open-ness, and I think I write differently when I'm feeling spiritual, but I just felt like maybe I should share it with you all, maybe I just love your positive feedback. :) Cuz you all are such great listeners to me.

Love,
Sunshine

Sister Mathias speaks on Passion

Okay, I'm not really, but I was reading Jamilyn's blog, and all the blogs that are being updated. They are inspirations and examples to me. So now I'm going to open up a bit more. bear with me.
This week has been a number of different things. At first really happy from Brian being here and that was quite wonderful and life and then getting really cranky (I was blaming it on it finally sinking in that he left again.) And I'm just re-adjusting. I really need to be myself though now, don't I? I've been trying. PJ talked to me and he always makes me feel humbled and always inspired to try something that I've been wanting to do but I didn't realize which steps to take. I am going to try to give Brian more space and try to find my own happiness in being myself. That's what he wanted too. I guess I just haven't been sure what myself is. I mean, I know myself but do I really know my full potential?
Mr. Fedotov said that I should keep trying many different techniques because I don't know my own abilities yet, and that's perfectly normal. He was talking about my viola playing but maybe I should apply that lesson to life and to what PJ said - that I'm a wonderful person and I need to make myself happy.
I'm also supposed to look for what I want in a relationship, in general. What do I want? I want a lot of things that I have with Brian, but maybe some things that we don't have and maybe we could later or maybe we won't. Some of my favorite examples of couples are Emma and Joseph, the Hinckleys. The Staples, and some of my other friends that I've seen, and my parents were good examples too. I love Brian very much, but if I there was any time that I needed to be single it's now. Then, maybe I could have eternity with him someday, or someone else just as wonderful or even more wonderful for me. It's hard to remember so I need lots of reminders over and over again but that's life.
He is such a supportive friend. He's my best friend. He's always cheering me up and trying to make me feel wonderful. I don't think he weighs me down, but I'm often weighing myself down and maybe it has something to do with him, because I worry about him a lot and about us. And I also let myself get down on myself and often depend on him to help me come back up. And I shouldn't do that. I think he would be much happier if I didn't. And PJ said that I should not worry. That I shouldn't let anyone or anything make me worry.
So I'm trying to do the right things. I have an amazing calling that has been taking some effect. I got to meet with the missionaries and an investigator from the Dominican. How awesome is that? Also, one of the girls I called to invite back to church showed up at the dance! I didn't talk to her too much but I was happy she came. Maybe I had some influence with that? I think so. I am really passionate about missionary work. I need this calling right now.
I also had a GREAT time at the dance! The people that came were all having fun and enjoying one another's company. We were like a big family. I love it. I loved catching up with everyone there. I really enjoyed Stake 'n' Shake afterwards as well and staying up really late posting facebook pictures with Emily.
I should spend less time talking to Brian and when I do make sure it's something meaningful. We are writing a blog together just him and me and I really enjoy that. In the background there's the temple and a picture of us in Chicago. I love that reminder. We're always the best to each other when we are at the temple. Hopefully that new blogging tradition carries when I go to Mexico. I know that he is on his own now, and that no matter what happens with me and our relationship, he's going to turn out just fine, especially if I do too. And that realization takes off a lot of worries.
And most importantly, I can go to my Heavenly Father and Savior, and pray, and the Spirit will give me the direction I need. I haven't been as good with prayer and scripture study as I should, and I will try harder on that. That always helps. I should read my patriarchal blessing too.
I should enjoy my 3 years of "freedom", and prepare to be the best wife and mother and violist and missionary and Stephanie that I can be. And that's something to be passionate about.

Gratitude List 10/21/08

There are so many things that I am grateful for right now, or at least that I should be. I'll write at least some of them. :)
I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:
-Brian came home!!!
-I went to Chicago
-I got to go to an orchestra concert with Justin (and it was a pretty awesome concert too). And he was great. We had lots of fun.
-I got to see an awesome presentation about Viola and William Primrose (world famous violist - I think he was known to be the best violist ever or something).
-I got to go to the temple and feel the spirit.
-I got to know members of the branch better from the trip.
-I'm just grateful for everything that happened this weekend on the trip and also the next day spending time with Brian and his parents at the home ward.
-Brian's reading my blog - that's cute.
-Emily is a great person to talk to - she's a good listener and a supportive roommate.
-Debbie has been giving me lots of rides.
-I have new viola strings and bow hair!! I love my new made-over viola.
-I impressed Daniel with my Spanish - he was like, what? lol
-I got a 94. 5 on my Spanish exam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! woot woot woot woot!! I was so nervous about it and studying like crazy - literally, because I was studying so inefficiently and stressing out and losing sleep. And that day I also asked Bigelow for a recommendation letter and I told him, look at my exam and my general performance in the class and you won't regret writing this letter. And he was like, of course I'll write your letter. Like I said, another respect boost for him.
-I did my spanish homework today - well, a good amount anyway.
-I practiced my conducting too, I think that really helped, and I actually watched the tape of the lab so I could improve. We have a tough piece tomorrow!
-Conference talks have been helping me when I've been worried.
-Oh, yeah! I made a jack-0-lantern for the first time!! especially by myself. I'll definitely post some pictures and have a whole blog entry dedicated to it. It was SOOO fun! What a fun fhe! I'm so glad I went. I was quite pleased with myself about it, because I was like, alright, I'm going to do this. And it's funny, but I think a lot of it was for Brian, though it's hard to admit. Well, he's always happy when I'm happy and I'm happy when I accomplish something new and different and even though it's like burnt toast, which it wasn't, it was great, I am quite pleased with myself and Brian thinks it's cute when I am. (and hopefully he'll like the pictures too) So maybe it was to impress him a bit.. heehee. It was fun carving with other members of the branch like Sarah and Sam and Brie and Katie and Justin Northam (different Justin). We had fun. And took some pictures with Sister Johnson's camera and PJ made us Mexican food lol.
-Then, later that night, I took Sister Johnson's recipe and baked the pumpkin seeds!! I know, me, cooking. Well, it wasn't too hard. Washing them was the toughest part and even that wasn't bad. They're pretty yummy! I keep telling people to try my new creation I Made By Myself.. with some help. lol. I'm grateful that creating feels so good for my self-esteem.
-Jamilyn is still awesome. She gave me some good advice on Saturday and I'm trying to take it. And she's helping me with orchestra music too. I'm so bad at rhythms! but she's like, you'll get better, always encouraging me.
Well, I'm sure there's more but that's a lot of writing for one day, I'll talk to everyone later. I am so grateful the my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy. I love Him so much.

Trying to be nice

First before I write my gratitude list, I need to vent a bit. Someone just came down and had a complaint about my practicing! waaaa. Oh well, I have been practicing pretty late lately and I knew it was going to happen sometime. Still, it's disheartening (if that's a word.) Well, maybe I'll either go to Dalton late or try to go to sleep at a decent time. I know I got at least 2 1/2 in today with all of that orchestra music practicing, but still, I have a lesson tomorrow which I don't feel too prepared for. Well, maybe if I sleep I'll have more energy to practice at 10, and maybe I'll do my homework. We'll see. Well, Emily talked to him and when she told me I went right up there and talked to him in person. The poor guy has to get up at 4 in the morning for work, so I don't blame him at all. You know me, I hate to step on people's toes, so it was embarrassing. He said he goes to bed at 9 (yikes, that's before I even have been starting to practice) but I said I might try a mute in the future and to let me know if that still bothers him, but I doubt that will work so I'll just have to go to bed or stay at Dalton. I'm a nice person, well, I try to be. So I think I handled it well. At least he was a nice looking person and he wasn't like some grumpy old guy. Anyways, that's my venting.

Pictures From Chicago and Brian

After the baptism session, I came out to hang out with Brian and talk and then we went inside and got to talk with members of the branch and that was really nice. It was so wonderful being in the temple on Saturday. I really needed it and felt the Spirit. The Spirit inside the temple and outside really gave us the confidence and courage that we need too when we were talking about what we can do to be better. Afterwards we came out and took some pictures. The temple was so pretty that night. I wish we had taken the pictures earlier though so we could see all of the colors.

Here's a picture that Brian took of me on Sunday at his house. Normally I don't like full shots of myself but this one was pretty cute. I think it really helps with all of the beautiful colors in the yard in the background, complimenting my beautiful self. :P I love fall.
This is us at the gas station, because i just wanted to take a billion pictures, but they kept turning out so nice, I couldn't resist! We were sad though, it's almost time to leave.
Here's us holding hands with our matching CTR rings :D *starts humming choose the right*

Blog

I keep changing my blog, but I guess I'm trying to decide what I like. Maybe it's because I'm always changing, but this is the picture I put on it for now, I think it's really fun. In About Me, I wrote, "I love myself, I just have trouble admitting it." how I feel a lot. I'm not sure why, but I do know that writing helps me. Looking at this picture helps me to remember that I love myself because my family loves me a lot. My siblings adore me, even and almost especially when I don't seem to deserve it. They are awesome, and they are something I am grateful for.
This is my family a year ago. I love family pictures, but I love them the best when we make funny faces because it seems more natural that way. :)
Love,
Sunshine

Gratitude List 10/12/08

Hi! It's Sunday, well, I guess it's Monday now, I don't have all of my homework finished yet but I thought I would enjoy my day of rest at least a bit. Wow, I didn't realize how many people have blogs, and they are so awesome too! I'm quite pleased. I like this princess crown I've got, I'm not so sure everyone will like all of my cheesy playlist though, but hey, there's a pause button at the bottom. lol. Well, I definitely need to write a gratitude list. I feel SO much better today. I'm so grateful for Sundays!
-I read scriptures today, the chapter was a reminder about how we need to be committed to the gospel and our Heavenly Father wants to bless us.
-I GOT ACCEPTED TO MEXICO!!! I'm quite happy. :)
-Everyone that knows so far has been really supportive and encouraging, even when I'm nervous and stressed out about the details.
-I got to see Tokyo String Quartet yesterday (0nly the end :( but I'm glad I at least got to see some) I think I would have cried if I completely missed it, they are my favorite quartet!
-The apartment's nice.
-Sam got a lesson from the missionaries today, that's pretty cool.
-Speaking of missionaries, I got to talk to Justin today! I was pretty excited because I haven't talked to him in 2 years. He seems happy to be home but I think he misses mission life, which a lot of missionaries do from what I heard. I think we're going to hang out sometime, as soon as I have time so it will be a while.
-I was able to fast today, and bear my testimony and the testimony meeting was really nice.
-I took the sacrament. I really needed it because I have been making a lot of mistakes the past two weeks, and I'm so grateful that we can have those blessings.
-I studied Preach my Gospel yesterday, and it really inspired me to be better, but the sunday school lesson I think inspired me the most.
-I finished my composition!!! Yay!!
-I started a new song, thanks to some advice from our composition T.A. who is pretty amazing at what he does and a good friend too. He's a good example to me.
-I was able to play prelude music and piano for relief society. I'm really grateful for that.
-Brian is sweet. I can't wait to see him.
-My teachers have been really forgiving despite my mistakes, and the GA's have been really helpful.
-I'm going to sleep now. Wow, I really do have so much to be grateful for, and that wasn't even all of my blessings this week. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am His Daughter. I'm grateful that I can write a list of things that I am grateful for, because there are so many things and I just need that extra help from Him. I guess we always do. :)
Love,
Sunshine

Writing to Sister Staples

Sister Staples sent me a letter saying that she loved my blog and so I wrote back and though that I should post what I said back to keep people updated I guess. :)

Thanks! I'm glad you like it! I love yours too and I added it to the blogs
I'm following.. it's the only one I'm following so far. I can't believe
how your kids have grown. Lately, blogging has been really great for me
because sometimes I get kindof intimidated by journal writing, and I can let
people know how I'm doing. I also have a blog for just me to read, when
I'm venting or trying to decide things or general conference notes, though I
think I want to post something about General conference. It's been a
pretty amazing one though I'm kindof behind because of my orchestra
concert. It went really well though! But don't worry, I'm going
to watch all of conference, Brian's especially reminding me of that
- "Make sure you watch it all Stephanie, I keep getting
the feeling I'm supposed to encourage you to, blah blah blah"
Jk I've been pretty impressed by him lately - He's been changing a lot for
the better. Today it's our 3rd anniversary of when we were first boyfriend
and girlfriend. Can you believe that? So, in honor of that I made
him a card that has calvin and hobbes on it because we used to read it together
and it reminds me of him. and I wrote him and told him how much I
appreciated him. It turned out really good so I'm happy about
that. :) lol well, I hope you have a wonderful conference weekend.
I'll try to keep updated on your blog and I'll be writing more on mine too :)
and I'll talk to you later.
Love,Stephanie

I really have been impressed with Brian lately. I guess I get scared sometimes that he's going to just keep getting better and I'm going to stay the same but I know it's kinda ridiculous. So far, the plan is for me to see him on October 18th and we'll go to the temple together in Chicago during Stake Temple day. I'm looking forward to that SOOO much. I hope that this anniversary is a good one (especially since this is the only one that we've actually been boyfriend and girlfriend during it.) We've always done something though because we still loved eachother. lol we're silly, but I'm really grateful for him, and all of the love and support and true friendship he's given me the past 3 years.

Conference has been really amazing and what I've seen so far has really been answering all of my questions about my callings, friends, thoughts, and missionary work. It's been really incredible. The relief society broadcast was really great too. I really want to post a link to conference and to the broadcast on here if I can figure that out. lol. Yesterday I hung out with members of the branch and we just talked and played Apples to Apples. Today, I got to see my dad and josh, and Debbie and Sam came to my concert too and they enjoyed it - yay! I was quite pleased with our performance. It's always such an emotional thing for me. Adrenalin rush and the emotions that something we've worked so hard on can be enjoyed by others. and it was complex music but by the end everyone stood up and I was hoping they would enjoy it. :) My family gave away our cat though - so sad. I just found out today. But I don't think he was living the best life in GR so I'm hoping that this next owner will really take good care of him and love him like he deserves. Also, next week Lisa's going to have an ultrasound and apparently she's getting morning sickness too. haha.. jk. I know I'll get it too... one day...
Well, I've got some conference to make up so I'll talk to you later!
Love,
Sunshine

For conference, go to

http://www.lds.org/broadcast/gc/0,5161,8176,00.html

For Relief Society General Broadcast, go to this link and choose the relief society general broadcast

http://lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,23-1-947,00.html

Very Humbled 9/29/08

I am very humbled by some of the things that happened this weekend, so I wanted to write a gratitude list for this past weekend, but I might put some explanation into some of these things.
I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:
-I was able to start teaching piano and spanish lessons again and I have
confidence that they will go well. The kids are really sweet and the mom seems really rich. and understanding.
-I went to the conference and it was amazing - the talks were written as though they were made just for me.
-I really loved Sister Beck's Talk, and apparently she's getting a lot of persecution and I couldn't even tell, her faith and dedication was so strong.
-Uchtdorf's talk was amazing. He spoke about our divine qualities to create as women and to create something wonderful in everything around us. "how many smiles can we create today?" It was really cute, and awesome. I hope that I don't forget that. :)
-I saw Cassandra, she is awesome.
-During the middle of the conference, something amazing happened. Debbie came next to me and told me that Lisa's pregnant! I can barely believe that still!!!!! But we're both super excited. It makes me feel pretty old though because agewise the baby could be my kid so that's kindof weird but I'm still excited about it. Not as many mixed feelings as I thought I would have, I'm just worried about Lisa and afraid that she'll stress out a lot, because she takes so much upon herself, but she did quit her full time job recently, so that's good. I think it will help their relationship too, though I'm sure it'll be a huge adjustment for everyone. *I'm still pretty excited though*
-After we got back Emily and I watched legally blonde on tv, and that was a lot of fun since I've been thinking about that movie a lot this week.
-Afterwards, I was able to practice for an hour at Dalton Center, and I know that the Lord was helping me a lot with that, somehow He made it possible.
Okay, this is long, so I'll ttyl. I hope everyone's doing well!
Love,
Sunshine

Gratitude List 9/26-27/08

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father:
-That I made it through the week.
-That I'm practicing more and have callouses!
-I saw the elders and they told me about an awesome new investigator that I'm going to try to meet.
-I'm starting piano lessons again, and maybe Spanish but I'm not sure yet.
-I get to see a broadcast tonight.
-I hung out with the Gilberts yesterday.
-Brian's doing really well. He's amazing.
-Emily cleaned the apartment and it looks incredible.
-I have good friends that I love.
-Jamilyn and I are going to have practicing parties on Tuesday and Thursday. Yay, Bartok.
-I've been printing out my xang and blogs so I can keep a good record of my life - a little bit easier than gold plates if you ask me.
-Debbie's happy because she got a sub for her shift.
-Kati absolutely loved her card that I gave her. That is awesome.
-The stars were really beautiful last night.
This week had a rough start but it ended well. I'm grateful that my Heavenly Father loves me and wants me to be happy and puts people in my life that want that as well.
Love,
Sunshine

This Week 9/ 27/08

This week was first not so good, and then good. It was rough trying to catch up with homework and another tough lesson. But then after that I was just like, NO. I will conquer my practicing, I'll prove it to Mr. Fedotov that I CAN do this. It was cool that on Wednesday when I was really discouraged the Elders came to visit me at work and they told me to read David and Goliath to help me feel better so I did the next couple of days and felt a lot better. I guess I just need to pray and actually have faith that the Lord can help me. If he can part mountains and aim a stone at some giant's head then why wouldn't He help me practice? So my goal is to practice 3 hours a day every day. I know.. many freshmen and sophmores easily do that, but I didn't so this is a big step for me. And Thursday and Friday I did practice. Well, Friday was only 2 1/2 but we had a long sectional so I guess I counted that towards it. I don't know if I can do 3 today but I at least want to get a good chunk in despite all of the things to do today.
I'm going to start to teach piano again to this one family. they have 3 kids and also want to learn Spanish so it is ideal for me. I'm going to teach the first lessons today. That's kinda exciting, because I need money, and it's like worth 6 hours of work at the library. :)
Brian and I have been doing well. He's doing really good actually, and I'm really pleased with that. He seems happy. I think our relationship's pretty good, although I did miss him a LOT yesterday. And here's the funny thing. We decided that it would be ok to date other people while he's been away. Well, no occasions have come up yet but I've been nervous that they would. And Brian knows that it's something I need to do eventually. It's because my dad was giving me advice about it and you know, when he does that it gets to me, and I realize that maybe he's right. But actually, since we agreed on that it's helped our relationship be more relaxed and not missing each other as much as we would. I really love him though, so it's funny. But I just know it's the right thing, even though it's crazy and weird, it feels right, and that's the best thing that I can go off of right now.
I just ran into the elders just now! I see them a lot nowadays. They said that there was this girl who's an investigator who speaks spanish and I'm like, "Awesome!" so I want to go with them to their meetings but they are at 4 on Saturdays and that's when I was going to teach. :( Well, maybe I can work something out, we'll see. Well, I should go now, I hope everyone has a good weekend and a great next week!
Love,
Sunshine

Thanks for the Birthday Wishes! 5/9/07

Hey I thought I'd make this easier and say thanks to everyone who's wished me a happy birthday! I really appreciate it! And don't worry, if you post after this I'll tag you tonight! ! My day's actually going pretty well! Hope that everyone is having a great summer/end of year so far! I guess I'll make a list of some of my summer plans while i'm here :) I'm gonna be pretty busy when I think about it!Start my first jobTake a summer math classTake viola lessons and voice lessonsPlay the piano for the young women at churchGo to Nauvoo with the BranchEat some home cooked chinese food and learn some more chinese ,' )Hang out with friends from high school, especially ones I haven't seen in a while.Go to Brian's promSee Kayla *squeal*!!!!!!!!!Hang out with the GilbertsWork on some geneologyGo to annarbor with DebbieClean.. a lotPractice!!Take an institute classSee Katie Turner when she comes to Michigan!Can you believe there's still stuff missing? well, I'm sure some of y'all have big plans like that too! Post 'em on here if you want I'd love to read 'em!Thanks again y'all!! Love,Stephi

9/14/08

So what we do is we write a list of when we recognize the hand of the Lord in our lives throughout today or even this past week. Maybe today, it's blessings that I'm grateful for, or is that the same thing?-I had lots of fun at the dance with Emily.-I have a new visiting teaching list (a calling-ish)-and I'm visiting teaching awesome people.-and Debbie's my companion.-I'm grateful that the apartment's doing well, that we have quiet times and fun times and we all are there for eachother.-We have internet and cable! Yay!-I've been writing in my journal today-I can watch general conference several months late-the lessons at church were meant for me.-it stopped raining today!-I was able to write a melody yesterday.-I have more minutes on my cell phone now!-My family loves me.-Brian loves me.-I made it through this week (it's been a long one!)-Annalaura played "My kindness shall not depart from thee" in Sunday school.-I have good friends - it's nice to see all of my friends from the branch and from WMU again!-I'm really grateful for Brian's family too, they helped me out on Wednesday when I was having a bad day, and Emily gave me a hug too. -I've been keeping track of my gas miles.-I have a job and financial aid money.-I love my major.-I turned in my study abroad application.-We have AC-We are safe from the storm - there was a tornado warning but we were safe. :)-I looked nice today, and I noticed it, and I think that's a blessing too.-My Heavenly Father and Savior love me.Wow, that list came faster than I thought it would. And look how many things! And I feel so much happier. I hope I try this more often, maybe just on my own or for more people I'm not sure. Either way, I'm grateful, and I hope others try this too.Love,Stephi

9/15/08

I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:-I woke up on time.-I had a scripture study, even if it was a short one.-I have good friends.-I was able to vent to Debbie today.-I took a nap.. naps are nice.-I was able to get the recording I needed for conducting class.-my GA complimented my conducting ^^-I had some divine help making it through my classes today.lol. -I was able to brighten Jamilyn's day some by complimenting her pictures, and it was nice to see her today, I love seeing Branch members on campus! -FHE went pretty well, we were able to do some service for the outside of our beloved building.-I am grateful for Brian - he really understands me and is always willing to do anything to make me happy. He was very sweet to me today when we talked on the phone. -I thought of a present to give him, I hope he likes it!-My dad cheered me up today.-Emily is happy because she got her internet. She is awesome and so fun, I like having her as a roomie.. we even did dishes together! :)-Writing this list helps me feel better.-Jana read dr. seuss at FHE today, a new book I've never read before but really liked.Well, it's time to go. I am very grateful for these things and pray I can find more things tomorrow and be myself. Love,Stephanie

9/16/08

-The weather was great today.-I read scriptures and ate breakfast at home.-I was able to take a shower even though I woke up late. And still practice when I got to campus.-I finished my paper before it got late! yay!-I practiced later and when I played the 3rd piece I felt better (because I've been discouraged lately.)-I've been writing in my journal and that's great, and it helps a lot.-Debbie and I get along. -Uch talked about the exact same thing we learned in class yesterday - how awesome it that??-I talked to Cassandra!!!! :)-I made the cutest birthday card ever for a friend. - I'm sure he'll like it!-My roommates and I watched Lingo for a few minutes - lolOverall, not a bad day. :)Love,Stephi

9/17/08

So today was frustrating in a lot of ways, so hopefully this list will help me, because I know that a lot of good came from it as well, especially for my practicing!-Happy Birthday to Justin!-I made it on time to my conducting class.-I felt good about my exam.-I looked nice :)-I had divine help to wake up.-I had a wonderful thought of my lovely conversation with Brian last night to help keep me going this morning..-The weather is amazing right now.-I learned some necessary golden rules at my lesson - so now, hopefully I can make good use and fill up those practice hours, and fill them up well!-I was able to get the food I needed.-I felt good as I was practicing today! -My coworkers are nice and interesting people. :D-Debbie waited for me to finish practicing tonight.-I watched the news with Emily and saw the Queen of England on TV- she's so cute!-I also saw Palin - she gives me hope in this election, she sounds like a really strong person that can make some real change and do some good and keep her integrity.-I was able to still write in my journal and write this list.-Brian's still writing in his journal with me. This is his 4th day in a row! I know, world record. I love him very much. I am grateful to my Heavenly Father for these things and that he watches over me and wants me to succeed in life - that's a great blessing.Love,Stephi

9/18/08

Such a long day, but so many good things!I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that:-Emily rode the bus with me and it was fun!-Brian helped me wake up earlier in the morning. He even woke himself up early just to wake me up. how sweet is that? well, I kinda needed him too because I needed some extra motivation. -That my "interesting" dream was just a dream.-I was on campus for 2 hours before orch and practice I think.. 1 1/2 in the morning.-Jamilyn practiced orch music with me! that was so helpful and fun we should do it again sometime. -I survived orchestra, and realized that this is tough stuff for everyone. -I hung out with Don and he shared his sandwich when I was really hungry.-I had fun at work, and saw the elders, but different ones I didn't know.-My coworkers helped me - and Sam helped me try to get an envelope.-I mailed Justin's birthday card at a decent time.-I went to this amazing Quartet concert.-I saw many great people including Karin! she sat by me for the second half it was like old times it was great. And Emmalynn and Andrea sat by me for the first half. -Karin, Rachael, and I talked to the violist and he was super nice and gave some great tips, and his wife and little baby Valeria were so beautiful. the baby was SUPER adorable!-and Rachael and I spoke Spanish with them, how cool is that? Rachael is fun to do that stuff with. She helps me come out of my comfort zone I think. She's great.-I was able to practice afterwards. -Emily took me home, even though Debbie would've, that was nice of them to be willing.-I'm writing this list still! :)-Brian's writing and reading still! I hope this is helping us. At least I feel optimistic at the end of the day, and am grateful for my many blessings. today has been quite an awesome day.Love,Stephanie

9/19/08

It's late, so this will prolly be short. Today I've been sick and tired but I took a nap and that was amazing, then I went to this awesome party. I hope everyone has a good weekend!I am grateful to my Heavenly Father that He is watching out for me He is always helping me:-I made it to classes on time.-I practiced enough, at least I think so considering I was sick.-I did better on this spanish quiz!-Kati, Rachael, and I had a listening party - that was fun. lol. and Emily brought the score to campus. That was good.-I got to practice in Fedotov's room afterwards, that was fun. -Debbie helped take care of me afterwards.-I took a nap - that was quite amazing. -Brian helped cheer me up when I needed a better perspective.-I went to this awesome party and really enjoyed being in the presence of these awesome sisters. I know that sounds cheesy, but I really did love it and I love learning about them and being with them because they're so awesome.-I'm going to sleep now, nite nite.Love,Stephanie